A highly fictionalized conversation between Aaron Judge and New York Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner

New York Yankees judge Aaron gestures as he runs the bases after hitting a solo home run, his 62nd of the season, in the first inning of baseball’s second game of a doubleheader against the Texas Rangers in Arlington, Texas on Tuesday, October 19. 4, 2022.

Editor’s note: This conversation completely, entirely, absolutely never took place. But if there was a conversation in which the Yankees’ most famous player could confront the team owner about possibly trying to keep a little brother’s check, that’s exactly how we imagine that. could happen.

Hal Steinbrenner: Hi Aaron! We have good news. I mean very, very good news! Well, a bit of bad news, but let’s focus on the good.

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Judge Aaron: Hi Hall. Let me end this call with my agent… OK, what’s up?

SH: We have just learned that you have been appointed American League MVP! It’s fantastic. We haven’t had one since A-Rod in 2007, two years before the last World Series. Dude, it’s been forever.

A J: Thanks, Hal, but I already knew that. That’s why I was talking to my agent. He says after set a new home run record and winning league MVP in my free agent year, I should be in line for…

SH: Hey, hey, hey! Let’s save all this money for later, okay? Listen, we’ll take care of you. Yankees for liferight?

A J: Well yes. But I mean if Max Schcrzer is get $130 millionshouldn’t I…

SH: Scherzer, schmerzer! We are here to talk about you and celebrate our great year. I mean, sure we made one and still finished the playoffs, but making the World Series isn’t everything? Did you know there were no African American players in this year?

A J: Yeah, I knew that.

HS: That’s why we need you to be a Yankee for life. You can take us back to the big dance and show them the Yanks are for diversity.

A J: Uh… okay. Sure. But you said you had bad news?

SH: Oh that. So, about this free agency thing. You will hear stuff. Alright, kid? Some nasty stuff about us allegedly in collusion with the Mets.

A J: Allegedly?

SH: Yeah, someone wrote some nonsense about a conversation we had with the Mets where we thought, you know, there was no point in us getting into a bidding war and raising the price of your next contract. Now Major League Baseball wants to investigate. Everything is totally out of proportion.

A J: Not for nothing, Hal, it sounds rather dodgy. Almost like you don’t think I’m worth Scherzer’s money. And I’m about to get some Scherzer money.

SH: Listen, kid. Don’t let them get into your ear. We’re gonna give you your money and you’re gonna keep making home runs in the Bronx for years to come. Yankees for life! Who loves you, baby?

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